Eyes

A challenging thought, sparked by Neil Greathouse's sermon this week (http://neilgreathouse.com/)

What if we thought of people in terms of souls? What if we saw and treated people in terms of their soul.....Each person has a soul that is going to spend eternity somewhere. That could be one of two places: heaven and hell.

What if all it took for that soul to spend eternity in heaven was for you to be a bit uncomfortable, spare a half a tank of gas, spend a few dollars, sacrifice an hour of your time? What if all it took was for you to pay attention to them, compliment their sweater, converse with them about the weather?

People are hurting.

People are screaming on the inside, confused, angry, depressed, horribly upset.

Their eyes speak of years of searching, wandering. Their eyes speak of a pain so deep that only Christ could touch it.

But if we spend our lives walking around on our cellphones, ipods blasting in our ears, heads bent down, staring at sidewalks, we won't have a chance to see those eyes. We won't have a chance to reach those hearts.

And that soul could spend eternity in hell, simply because we didn't want to be uncomfortable or awkward or waste time in seemingly pointless conversations. Jesus cares about those conversations. And He certainly cares about those eyes, those souls.

A People Undeserved

It is sometimes hard for me to accept that Christ really has my best interest in mind and wants to "prosper me" (Jer. 29:11). It is easy for me to assume that Christ is punishing me--when things happen in my life that are difficult or uncomfortable, I am quick to feel like "This is what I deserve." I easily recognize my insignificant position and sinful ways. I understand that concept pretty easily. But, I don't think that Christ wants me to stay in that mindset. I don't think he wants me to continually feel like I don't deserve anything in life.

When I was growing up, grace was not something that I understood or really saw modeled for me a whole lot. Thus, whenever I did something wrong, I could expect punishment and correction. I could guarantee that if I stepped out of line, I was going to get something for it. Thus, you can see how this concept is easily transfered over to how I view my Heavenly Father. (I know I've talked about this countless times in my blog, but my perception of Christ is the most important part of my life, and so a lot of my struggles stem from that relationship.) So, I get the whole idea of punishment, judgement, correction, etc. But it would be foolish and blasphemy to the name of Christ if I stayed in that mindset. That's not who Christ is. There is so much more to Him, so much love and GRACE. Holy cow. Grace. What a beautiful thing! I just wish that I could believe in that grace all the time!

This past few weeks have been tough for me. They've been tough because the Lord has been stripping some things from my life. Of course, I am quick to assume that it's because I am making poor decisions. I blame myself and feel like "Yep, this is what I get!" But, at the same time, the Lord is tugging at my heart. And I am being brutally honest with Him. I've cried out to Him, telling Him that I feel like all He ever does is punish me. I told Him that I know He's not just out to get me, but that I am having a hard time understanding and feeling His love and grace. So, I asked Him to allow me to feel that love and grace. Emotions are not the most important part of my relationship with Christ, but it is crucial, I think, to feel that love every now and then. So, anyways, the Lord is showing up big time in my life. And I am loving every minute of it. He is working on my mindset and perception of Him--and breaking down those walls. They are still up, I'm not saying that I am completely healed, but I know that Christ is not going to let me stay this way. He loves me too much!

So, here are a few verses He showed me this past week that have meant a lot, and the last one is a verse that is so dear to my heart. That last verse the Lord brought to me at such a critical time in my life, and I read it quite often. The Lord is good.

"He does not treat us as our sins deserve or repay us according to our iniquities"

"...so far as the East is from the West, so far has he removed our transgressions from us."

Psalm 103:10

"He will respond to the prayer of the destitute; he will not despise their plea." Psalm 102:17

"He tends to His flock like Shepards; He gathers the lambs in His arms and carries them close to His heart; He gently leads those that have young." Isaiah 40:11

"Gently leads" is a phrase that stuck out to me. I have a hard time seeing that sensitive side of Christ, the side that wants to gently lead me, love me, hold me when I'm crying. Instead of running to the comfort and solitude of my room, in the corner where no one could see me--the Lord wants me to run to Him. He wants me to run into His arms, and be held. That is such a foreign concept to me, but one the Lord is continuing to reveal to me.

In closing, i think it's important to realize our brokenness. It is important to realize that yes, your sins do deserve punishment. In fact, our sins deserve death. BUT that's not how Christ wants us to live. Because of His son's death on the cross, we have the freedom to live a life unbound to those sins. And that doesn't just mean that we can go Heaven. Christ's death also means that we can have freedom this side of Heaven--we can have freedom in our mindsets, freedom in our hearts, freedom in our relationships. Christ wants to feel undeserved but at the same time, feel the weight of His grace. He wants us to rise up and lead lives that are humble, but powerful. Because anything that we do, say, hear, think, feel--is a gift. A gift that should be USED, not holed up inside the corners of your room.

Importance of pain

"There is no safe investment. To love at all is to be vulnerable. Love anything, and your heart will certainly be wrung and possibly broken. If you want to make sure of keeping in intact, you must give your heart to no one, not even to an animal. Wrap it carefully round with hobbies and little luxuries; avoid all entanglements; lock it up safe in the casket or coffin of your selfishness. But in that casket - safe, dark, motionless, airless - it will change. it will not be broken; it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable. The alternative to tragedy, or at least to the risk of tragedy, is damnation. the only place outside Heaven where you can be perfectly safe from all the dangers and perturbations of love is Hell".

--C.S. Lewis

Frustration from Inspiration

*Could it be that our greatest inspiration, is often our the source of our greatest frustration?

I attended one session of the Dirt conference a few weeks ago, and this was a question that Neil Greathouse posed. I had trouble wrapping my mind around the question at first, but here I am--a few weeks later, understanding a little more of what he meant! Each of us are wired to have certain desires and passions--we are all geared for some sort of purpose. Some of us are more passionate about the elderly, the poor, the rich, the lost, the broken, etc. Some of us want to relocate in a foreign country and spend our lives pouring into those orphans, prisoners, mothers, etc. You get my point.

I don't know if you have experienced the true joy that comes from finding your 'niche' or passion, but when you find it, you definitely know. There is something inside of you that sparks, ignites. And you feel purposeful, you feel useful. Those moments are motivation for me. I long to experience that Divine joy that comes from doing God's will. It gets me excited about being here on this wretched earth. It lets me know that I am not just a waste of space!

Those moments have always come to me when I was working with people. I definitely know that is how I am wired--I am energized by being around people, by helping them, communicating with them, etc. I have felt most alive when building relationships that benefit others. Which is why I have always loved being in/leading small groups. It is a perfect place for me to fulfill my passion.

But, it is in relationships with people that I have been most frustrated in life. That inspiration can quickly become frustration. And I think it all has to do with where I place my hope. If my hope is in that relationship or in that person, I will quickly become disheartened and disappointed. The truth is, people will always fail you. In some way or another, the most beloved person in your life has let you down. Because of the fall of man, we can never love with a perfect love. Which brings me to my point that if I am receiving my fulfillment and motivation from that earthly relationship, I am going to end up being disappointed one way or another. It may not be immediate or it may not be entirely devastating, but it is definitely not going to give me that joy that comes from Christ. Now, I can better understand what Neil Greathouse meant.

In conclusion, you cannot put your hope in the passion or inspiration itself. Your fulfillment must come first from Christ. When you are fulfilled in Him, then you are able to fulfill your purpose here on earth. Which is no easy task. I think I will always have to find this balance and fight the tendency to place my hope in people.

My point of this is not to hate on humans or say that you shouldn't place any hope or expectations on them, my point is that your source and life should not be found in people. Because you will end up frustrated every single time. You will end up feeling rejected and alone, disheartened. Humans are capable of wonderful acts of love, especially when they are filled with Christ. But the moment you start to rely on them, that is the moment your greatest inspiration becomes your greatest frustration.

A groaning heart

This verse has been my water these past few months. I am in a territory that is new, foreign, and scary. But so beautiful. So worth it. So fulfilling. I am truly at a crossroads and my desire is to let Christ use my life as He sees fit--His perfect will. And I have NO idea how that is going to look :)

"In the same way, the spirit helps us in our weakness, We do not know what we ought to pray for, but the spirit Himself intercedes for us with groans that words cannot express. And he who searches our hears knows the mind of the spirit, because the spirit intercedes for the saints in accordance with God's will." Romans 8:26-27

I really have no idea what God's will for my life is. NO IDEA. But that's okay. I don't have to have it together and I don't have to know what to pray for, because the spirit intercedes with groans that I cannot express. Thank you, Jesus.

A Thought

Our job as Christians, or "Little Christs", is not to condemn, convict, or convince. Our job as "Little Christs" is to share glimpses of the kingdom. We are to show others what can come next!

What would Christianity look like, then, if that was everybody's goal? I don't think people would hate Christians as much as they do.

-Erika

Motivation from Love not Obligation

Lately, I've been hearing a lot of sermons/conversations about David and his journey on earth. There is a lot to be learned about David. He is a lot like us, but at the same time, he was highly regarded by Christ. The Lord's favor was on David, there is no doubt about it. Yet, we also know that David committed both adultery and murder. Umm, excuse me? A "man after God's own heart" that committed murder? Really? When I think of the worst action possible, murder is pretty high on that list. It makes you stop and think. And it makes you realize how much Christ loves us and how huge His grace is. He was able to forgive David for MURDER. Like literal murder. Like I just killed someone murder. Can you comprehend that? You must. Because its true. "Nothing you can do will separate you from the love of Christ." Do you really believe that? It's easy to recite that verse and to pretend to believe it. But do you really believe it? Do your actions prove that you believe in God's grace?

If so, I think you should feel completely overwhelmed, humbled, amazed. And I realize that its hard to "feel" things sometimes (after all, I understand what it's like to be completely numb), but when you truly grasp the picture of God's grace, it is really astounding. You should feel in-debt to Christ, but not guilty. You should feel like you owe Christ your life, but not be motivated by that debt. The LAST thing Christ wants us to do--in realizing the picture of His grace, is to be motivated by a feeling of obligation. He doesn't want us to do work for His kingdom, because that is what we are SUPPOSED to do.

Think about the times when you know someone has done something for you--maybe given you something or did something for you--because they felt like they had to. It doesn't feel very special, does it? Yes, you appreciate what they did for you, but at the same time, you kind of feel cheated. "Oh gee, thanks for inviting me to your party ten minutes before it started because you knew I found out about it!" That's like a slap in the face! You'd almost rather never have been invited in the first place, because then it wouldn't hurt so bad. Think about how Christ feels when we do things out of obligation. It sucks times a thousand.....We couldn't even comprehend the pain and disappointment.

Let's face it, we are pretty awful people. We deny Christ every single day. We choose other things over him, several times a day. We spend all our time, efforts, emotions on things of THIS world. God is lucky to even get a 15 minute block out of our day. Sure, not all of us are like this, and that's pretty stinking cool, but for must of us, if you stop and think about where all your efforts are going, its elsewhere. I don't mean to say this to make you dwell in your shortcomings, rather to show you much you need Christ and how much we don't deserve His gift. Realize your awfulness and then realize how AWESOME God is for loving you like that!

It's a hard balance to find: motivation by guilt and motivation by love. Trust me. I know. I spent the majority of my life--lets say up until I was about 19 years old (and sometimes have to fight it now)--acting out of fear and guilt. I spent time with Christ, went to church, led a small group, etc because I feared that Christ was going to take something away from me. I did things for His kingdom because I would spend hours feeling guilty if I did not. My heart was completely in the wrong place. Praise the Lord that I was able to realize that and break from that mindset. Yes, we owe Christ our life. Yes, we are dead without Him, but that doesn't mean that we are obligated to love Him. That's why you have the ability to RECEIVE the gift. You don't have to accept a gift. It can sit on your top shelf, unopened, collecting dust. Our hearts should act out of love and gratitude. We should feel so overwhelmed with love that we can't help but speak of His name! We can't help but burst forth with songs of praise because He is our maker and has rescued us from so much pain!

In the end, nothing that we could ever do would even come CLOSE to paying Christ back. So, don't even try! Instead, spend your time and energy loving Christ and loving His people. Spend your time learning as much as possible about Christ and let Him mold your heart. Listen to Him. Talk to Him.

I'll leave you with a pretty cool quote: "God loves you the way that you are, but he refuses to leave you that way."

God loves you in your sin, in your shortcomings, in your selfishness. He loves you, even when you have murdered someone. He just does. It's simple. BUT he refuses to let you remain that way. When you enter into His presence, God is LONGING to change us. He is overcome with excitement with what He wants to do with our life. We just have to let Him.

--Erika