A People Undeserved

It is sometimes hard for me to accept that Christ really has my best interest in mind and wants to "prosper me" (Jer. 29:11). It is easy for me to assume that Christ is punishing me--when things happen in my life that are difficult or uncomfortable, I am quick to feel like "This is what I deserve." I easily recognize my insignificant position and sinful ways. I understand that concept pretty easily. But, I don't think that Christ wants me to stay in that mindset. I don't think he wants me to continually feel like I don't deserve anything in life.

When I was growing up, grace was not something that I understood or really saw modeled for me a whole lot. Thus, whenever I did something wrong, I could expect punishment and correction. I could guarantee that if I stepped out of line, I was going to get something for it. Thus, you can see how this concept is easily transfered over to how I view my Heavenly Father. (I know I've talked about this countless times in my blog, but my perception of Christ is the most important part of my life, and so a lot of my struggles stem from that relationship.) So, I get the whole idea of punishment, judgement, correction, etc. But it would be foolish and blasphemy to the name of Christ if I stayed in that mindset. That's not who Christ is. There is so much more to Him, so much love and GRACE. Holy cow. Grace. What a beautiful thing! I just wish that I could believe in that grace all the time!

This past few weeks have been tough for me. They've been tough because the Lord has been stripping some things from my life. Of course, I am quick to assume that it's because I am making poor decisions. I blame myself and feel like "Yep, this is what I get!" But, at the same time, the Lord is tugging at my heart. And I am being brutally honest with Him. I've cried out to Him, telling Him that I feel like all He ever does is punish me. I told Him that I know He's not just out to get me, but that I am having a hard time understanding and feeling His love and grace. So, I asked Him to allow me to feel that love and grace. Emotions are not the most important part of my relationship with Christ, but it is crucial, I think, to feel that love every now and then. So, anyways, the Lord is showing up big time in my life. And I am loving every minute of it. He is working on my mindset and perception of Him--and breaking down those walls. They are still up, I'm not saying that I am completely healed, but I know that Christ is not going to let me stay this way. He loves me too much!

So, here are a few verses He showed me this past week that have meant a lot, and the last one is a verse that is so dear to my heart. That last verse the Lord brought to me at such a critical time in my life, and I read it quite often. The Lord is good.

"He does not treat us as our sins deserve or repay us according to our iniquities"

"...so far as the East is from the West, so far has he removed our transgressions from us."

Psalm 103:10

"He will respond to the prayer of the destitute; he will not despise their plea." Psalm 102:17

"He tends to His flock like Shepards; He gathers the lambs in His arms and carries them close to His heart; He gently leads those that have young." Isaiah 40:11

"Gently leads" is a phrase that stuck out to me. I have a hard time seeing that sensitive side of Christ, the side that wants to gently lead me, love me, hold me when I'm crying. Instead of running to the comfort and solitude of my room, in the corner where no one could see me--the Lord wants me to run to Him. He wants me to run into His arms, and be held. That is such a foreign concept to me, but one the Lord is continuing to reveal to me.

In closing, i think it's important to realize our brokenness. It is important to realize that yes, your sins do deserve punishment. In fact, our sins deserve death. BUT that's not how Christ wants us to live. Because of His son's death on the cross, we have the freedom to live a life unbound to those sins. And that doesn't just mean that we can go Heaven. Christ's death also means that we can have freedom this side of Heaven--we can have freedom in our mindsets, freedom in our hearts, freedom in our relationships. Christ wants to feel undeserved but at the same time, feel the weight of His grace. He wants us to rise up and lead lives that are humble, but powerful. Because anything that we do, say, hear, think, feel--is a gift. A gift that should be USED, not holed up inside the corners of your room.

A post worth reading

     Grace. Something I hope to never take for granted. Something I rely upon these days. Something so beautiful and perfect, it cannot be of this world. Unrelenting forgiveness. Unconditional and unrestricted acceptance. Who could fathom such a thing, much less offer it? No one in this world, I assure you.

 

I am so conditional. So judgmental. So restricted in the way that I love, befriend, encourage, support. Everything I do is for some sort of selfish gain. The only “selfless” part of me is the Christ in me. I love to be loved in return. I help to be helped. I encourage to build up my own self-satisfaction. I am so absorbed in self that I couldn’t imagine doing something that had no benefit in return.

    

This brings me back to Christ. What is in it for him, to forgive? What good is it to him, to continuously offer grace and acceptance? Why would he do something, over and over again without growing weary or tired? Sure, I could forgive someone once, maybe twice for the same thing. But three, four, five times? You better believe I have already cut ties, erased memories, and warned everyone in my vicinity to put up their guard. That is just who I am—very unlike Christ.

 

But to Christ, it is only once. Once he offers this blanket of forigiveness, he forgets those things. I assure you, "As far as the east is form the west, So far has He removed our transgressions from us." (Psalm 103:12). Sounds to good to be true. And it is. But that is just the nature of Christ. He IS too good to be true in our feeble little minds. We are of this world and think through the clouded lenses of this world. Of course we aren't going to understand it. We weren't meant to wrap our minds neatly around Christ. He is infinite and omniscient. We are temporary and limited in this life. 

Which is why we need Christ. We weren't meant to have everything together. We weren't meant to be perfect. We were meant to be human--sinful, wretched humans (because of the fall of man). It is through the realization of our brokenness and limitations that we see the need for Christ. When we come to accept that we will never get it right this side of earth, we can finally say "Yes, Lord. I need you." I need your love, protection, salvation. But most importantly, I need your grace. 

Your grace is enough.