It's Dia-beeties. Not Dia-beetus.

Two posts in one day? I must really be procrastinating :)

I just wanted to post something that has been on my mind lately--something silly that shouldn't be but is. 

     So, many of you know--at least if you know me personally you do--that I am a type I diabetic. I have had diabetes for a little over six years now. I was diagnosed at 14 and spent a week at Arkansas Children's Hospital. Fortunately, I haven't had any significant complications and have never had to be hospitalized because of it. Being in the healthcare profession has made me extra careful with controlling my diabetes. I get to learn every day about the complications and awful diseases that can be a result of diabetes (oaky, maybe not every day but it seems like it sometimes!) I will probably have heart disease when I'm older. I might start to lose the feeling in my legs one day. I could possibly have to have something amputated if I get 

an infected sore. I could go blind, deaf.....You get the picture. The LAST thing I want to do is live my life in fear of all of these nasty complications. I want to recognize that they could happen so that I will do everything in my power to control my blood sugars, but I refuse to let them haunt them. I refuse to be crippled with fear. I refuse to spend my life wondering in which form or fas

hion I will leave this earth. I am not guaranteed tomorrow and need to "let tomorrow worry about itself, for each day has enough trouble of its own". Matt 6:34 

    If you know me, you know that I am not afraid of talking about my disease. I think this was the first step for me in refusing to let this disease control me. I decided to be as open as possible with it. I will not let it keep me in the shadows. The Lord does not want me to become defeated. He allowed me to have this disease, therefore He will give me the courage and the strength to live each day with it. I just have to be more purposeful and responsible. I have to plan ahead and make sure I always have access to things like juice, plenty of insulin, and my glucometer. I have to be more intentional with working out--making sure I have eaten enough protein to get me through my run. 

     I'm not going to lie, there are days that I am down. There are days where I get frustrated and wish I could disconnect from the wires and 

toss my needles out the window. I am human. I am emotional. I am not invincible. The thing that probably annoys me the most about diabetes is when it sets me back or keeps me from doing something I would have done had I not been stricken with a low blood sugar, high blood sugar, or whatever. Sometimes I have to stop what I'm doing--take a break and drink a juice box. I don't like that. I want my diabetes to fit nicely into my life and not cause me any grief. I would love to just eat a donut and not think about all of the ridiculous questions that come with diabetes. How many carbs is in this? How much insulin will I have to give? What will this do to my blood sugar two hours later? 

    Ironically, as I type this my blood sugar is 348. Not cool. It should be in the 80-100 range. And its not. Therefore I have a headache, feel a little whoozy, and am extremely thirsty. Why is it three hundred you ask? Well, unfortunately, I can do everything right-- check my blood sugar before eating, bolus for how many carbs I ate, and yet it still isn't within normal limits. That's because things like stress, hormones, heat, exercise, and metabolism can affect your blood sugar. It also could be that my pump site is old, kinked, or clogged. This would mean that the bolus of insulin I administered never made it into my body. Talk about frustrating ;) However, I shouldn't complain because technological advancements have made this disease soo much more manageable. People used to have to pee on a stick every time they wanted to know their blood sugar level. Now THAT would suck. 

     I made a choice somewhere down the line that I would embrace diabetes. I made a choice that I would live with it and not against it. I will not spend my life resenting or pouting or asking for pity. This blog is definitely not meant for people to feel sorry for me! I am blessed beyond measure. I am completely healthy, despite the diabetes, and even then I am more fortunate then some. I have a Father who has a plan for me--who loves me and cares for me and gives me strength to live each day. 

     My main desire is this: I want to be able to take this courage that I have been given and help others. I want to be able to be a light for those who have let this disease pull them in the shadows. I want to be able to make a difference in their lives, because I know what they are going through. I feel their pain. I feel their frustration. Most importantly, I have felt their hopelessness. But that is no place to live. A heart without hope is a dead heart. 

I have no idea why I just wrote all of this but I felt compelled to and it helped me to get it off my chest! I hope that it can help someone, anyone. Then this nasty ol' disease I have can be worth it!