That is what my life seems to be stuck on right now. I feel like I am running in circles. Class, study, bed. Class, study, bed. Class, study,........You get the point. I am ready for a change of pace, some new scenery. Don't get me wrong, I am extremely grateful and blessed for the life I have, but I just need to work on some contentment issues I suppose. I say all of this, then at the same time I'm thinking "I don't want change!" I'm as fickle as a pickle.
I am ready to graduate, but then I get apprehensive about what is next. I want to be married but then I am so satisfied with having freedom and space and focusing on friends. I want to go to grad school and get my masters, yet I don't want to have anything to do with school after I graduate. I want to work in the PICU, but then I really love the NICU as well. I have no idea what I really want. I guess it's a good thing I don't make the plans! I'd be doing like a million things at once and feeling like I should be doing something else. I don't want to live my life waiting to be happy, thinking "If I just do this....then I will be happy." I want to learn to be joyful where I am at in life and pouring into/learning from the people who are alongside me.
"In his heart a man plans his course, but the Lord determines his steps." Proverbs 16:9
It's about time for me to relinquish my "control" and start to trust. Lord, take my life and do with it as you please. I have all of these ideas in my head, but you are the one who really knows what is best. You know exactly what you want to accomplish with my feeble little life. Let your will, not mine, be done.
I'm sorry this is the most pointless blog I've written, but it's like 1230 am and I didn't want to climb into bed quite yet. So, I started blogging. I think my brain is one big mess right now. I shouldn't be allowed to blog past 10:00 pm.
2 comments:
i agree with this!! i feel the same way about school and routines and what comes next. it's so hard to relinquish all the control when your used to accomplishing everything for yourself...
not a pointless blog at all... quite full of points i'd say :) i have definitely been in that place where it just seems like you do the same things over and over.. but God is so good to make old things seem new again.. i can't wait to live together.. we are going to have the time of our lives!!
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