A Thought

Our job as Christians, or "Little Christs", is not to condemn, convict, or convince. Our job as "Little Christs" is to share glimpses of the kingdom. We are to show others what can come next!

What would Christianity look like, then, if that was everybody's goal? I don't think people would hate Christians as much as they do.

-Erika

Motivation from Love not Obligation

Lately, I've been hearing a lot of sermons/conversations about David and his journey on earth. There is a lot to be learned about David. He is a lot like us, but at the same time, he was highly regarded by Christ. The Lord's favor was on David, there is no doubt about it. Yet, we also know that David committed both adultery and murder. Umm, excuse me? A "man after God's own heart" that committed murder? Really? When I think of the worst action possible, murder is pretty high on that list. It makes you stop and think. And it makes you realize how much Christ loves us and how huge His grace is. He was able to forgive David for MURDER. Like literal murder. Like I just killed someone murder. Can you comprehend that? You must. Because its true. "Nothing you can do will separate you from the love of Christ." Do you really believe that? It's easy to recite that verse and to pretend to believe it. But do you really believe it? Do your actions prove that you believe in God's grace?

If so, I think you should feel completely overwhelmed, humbled, amazed. And I realize that its hard to "feel" things sometimes (after all, I understand what it's like to be completely numb), but when you truly grasp the picture of God's grace, it is really astounding. You should feel in-debt to Christ, but not guilty. You should feel like you owe Christ your life, but not be motivated by that debt. The LAST thing Christ wants us to do--in realizing the picture of His grace, is to be motivated by a feeling of obligation. He doesn't want us to do work for His kingdom, because that is what we are SUPPOSED to do.

Think about the times when you know someone has done something for you--maybe given you something or did something for you--because they felt like they had to. It doesn't feel very special, does it? Yes, you appreciate what they did for you, but at the same time, you kind of feel cheated. "Oh gee, thanks for inviting me to your party ten minutes before it started because you knew I found out about it!" That's like a slap in the face! You'd almost rather never have been invited in the first place, because then it wouldn't hurt so bad. Think about how Christ feels when we do things out of obligation. It sucks times a thousand.....We couldn't even comprehend the pain and disappointment.

Let's face it, we are pretty awful people. We deny Christ every single day. We choose other things over him, several times a day. We spend all our time, efforts, emotions on things of THIS world. God is lucky to even get a 15 minute block out of our day. Sure, not all of us are like this, and that's pretty stinking cool, but for must of us, if you stop and think about where all your efforts are going, its elsewhere. I don't mean to say this to make you dwell in your shortcomings, rather to show you much you need Christ and how much we don't deserve His gift. Realize your awfulness and then realize how AWESOME God is for loving you like that!

It's a hard balance to find: motivation by guilt and motivation by love. Trust me. I know. I spent the majority of my life--lets say up until I was about 19 years old (and sometimes have to fight it now)--acting out of fear and guilt. I spent time with Christ, went to church, led a small group, etc because I feared that Christ was going to take something away from me. I did things for His kingdom because I would spend hours feeling guilty if I did not. My heart was completely in the wrong place. Praise the Lord that I was able to realize that and break from that mindset. Yes, we owe Christ our life. Yes, we are dead without Him, but that doesn't mean that we are obligated to love Him. That's why you have the ability to RECEIVE the gift. You don't have to accept a gift. It can sit on your top shelf, unopened, collecting dust. Our hearts should act out of love and gratitude. We should feel so overwhelmed with love that we can't help but speak of His name! We can't help but burst forth with songs of praise because He is our maker and has rescued us from so much pain!

In the end, nothing that we could ever do would even come CLOSE to paying Christ back. So, don't even try! Instead, spend your time and energy loving Christ and loving His people. Spend your time learning as much as possible about Christ and let Him mold your heart. Listen to Him. Talk to Him.

I'll leave you with a pretty cool quote: "God loves you the way that you are, but he refuses to leave you that way."

God loves you in your sin, in your shortcomings, in your selfishness. He loves you, even when you have murdered someone. He just does. It's simple. BUT he refuses to let you remain that way. When you enter into His presence, God is LONGING to change us. He is overcome with excitement with what He wants to do with our life. We just have to let Him.

--Erika

Broken

I love when the Lord uses your own words to teach you something. It is such a humbling experience.

I spent the majority of the past two years begging God, pleading with Him to deliver me from my apathy. I spent countless nights in sorrow and anguish, praying for him to wake me up, to rock my world. All throughout my journal I find phrases like......

"I am exhausted. I am sick of feeling nothing. I'm tired of drifting through life, watching it slip through my fingers, paralyzed by lack of heart. I want so desperately to feel something, anything. Wake me up, O Lord, from this deep sleep. Rescue me from darkness."

"Shake me to my core, Rock my world. Breathe life into my lungs. Light a fire in my heart. Let my lips speak of you"

I was hurting. I was stuck. I was enslaved by numbness and apathy. I was searching for peace and life. It took me almost two years to come out of that darkness. And I still battle with it everyday and I'm sure I will continue to battle with it.

For the first time in my life, I am actually experiencing Christ. Sure, I had definite moments over the past two years where I felt His presence and I felt His peace. I learned a lot about Him and myself. But overall I was searching and wounded. I was enslaved by apathy.

The Lord began to show me some areas in my life that needed light. He began to show me pain and hurt that I never really knew existed. He began to show me that it's not about me getting things right, rather, it's Him working through me that is right. He shattered my perspective of Him--one that was tainted with broken images. I had to realize that no one on this earth will love me well. It sucked, but I had to come to that realization to fully accept my need for Christ. My earthly parents have failed me. My best friend has failed me, and will continue to. My husband, too, will fail me. I cannot and refuse to put my hope in people.

I had to learn to let go of my plans. My future is His to work with. I want to allow Him to lead me, wherever that is.

I had to learn that my life is really not my own. That is so cliche, and I know we hear that all the time, but it is so true to me right now. I can't help but be terrified of what my life would look like if I lived just by what made me feel happy. Because earthly happiness is fleeting. It disappears as soon as it comes over us. I do not want to realize this on my death bed. I don't want to end up, 80 years old, wondering what impact I made on this earth. I want to be sure, and confident that I made a difference. That the Lord didn't waste His time on me. At the end of my life, I want to know that it was worth it. That my life wasn't found in things or people, but that it was found in His love and glory.

This is what freedom in Christ is really all about. Freedom from the bondage of failed expectations and false hope. Everything on this earth is TEMPORARY. No matter how constant and solid it may feel, it's not. That flashy new toy will soon be covered in dust at the top of your closet.

I cannot express how grateful and thankful I am for healing and rest. I cannot put into words how indebted I am to Christ for delivering me and rescuing me. But at the same time, I never want to forget where I came from. I never want to forget that time of darkness, because it makes me appreciate the life. I don't want to take for granted the life that the Lord has put into my heart, because for years I was miserable and conflicted.

And I am not, by ANY means, put together. I am still broken. I am still going to be hurt and experience pain. But I am okay with that. I have a new peace and rest in my heart that comes from Christ.

I found this sentence in my journal, which is really what sparked this whole saga so I will leave you with it:

"Just remember, the same God that makes the rough days, makes the good ones. He hasn't forsaken you and He gave you that rough day for a reason."

Praise God for brokenness.