Wednesday, December 30, 2009

Frustration from Inspiration

*Could it be that our greatest inspiration, is often our the source of our greatest frustration?
I attended one session of the Dirt conference a few weeks ago, and this was a question that Neil Greathouse posed. I had trouble wrapping my mind around the question at first, but here I am--a few weeks later, understanding a little more of what he meant! Each of us are wired to have certain desires and passions--we are all geared for some sort of purpose. Some of us are more passionate about the elderly, the poor, the rich, the lost, the broken, etc. Some of us want to relocate in a foreign country and spend our lives pouring into those orphans, prisoners, mothers, etc. You get my point.
I don't know if you have experienced the true joy that comes from finding your 'niche' or passion, but when you find it, you definitely know. There is something inside of you that sparks, ignites. And you feel purposeful, you feel useful. Those moments are motivation for me. I long to experience that Divine joy that comes from doing God's will. It gets me excited about being here on this wretched earth. It lets me know that I am not just a waste of space!
Those moments have always come to me when I was working with people. I definitely know that is how I am wired--I am energized by being around people, by helping them, communicating with them, etc. I have felt most alive when building relationships that benefit others. Which is why I have always loved being in/leading small groups. It is a perfect place for me to fulfill my passion.
But, it is in relationships with people that I have been most frustrated in life. That inspiration can quickly become frustration. And I think it all has to do with where I place my hope. If my hope is in that relationship or in that person, I will quickly become disheartened and disappointed. The truth is, people will always fail you. In some way or another, the most beloved person in your life has let you down. Because of the fall of man, we can never love with a perfect love. Which brings me to my point that if I am receiving my fulfillment and motivation from that earthly relationship, I am going to end up being disappointed one way or another. It may not be immediate or it may not be entirely devastating, but it is definitely not going to give me that joy that comes from Christ. Now, I can better understand what Neil Greathouse meant.
In conclusion, you cannot put your hope in the passion or inspiration itself. Your fulfillment must come first from Christ. When you are fulfilled in Him, then you are able to fulfill your purpose here on earth. Which is no easy task. I think I will always have to find this balance and fight the tendency to place my hope in people.
My point of this is not to hate on humans or say that you shouldn't place any hope or expectations on them, my point is that your source and life should not be found in people. Because you will end up frustrated every single time. You will end up feeling rejected and alone, disheartened. Humans are capable of wonderful acts of love, especially when they are filled with Christ. But the moment you start to rely on them, that is the moment your greatest inspiration becomes your greatest frustration.

Monday, December 7, 2009

A groaning heart


This verse has been my water these past few months. I am in a territory that is new, foreign, and scary. But so beautiful. So worth it. So fulfilling. I am truly at a crossroads and my desire is to let Christ use my life as He sees fit--His perfect will. And I have NO idea how that is going to look :)

"In the same way, the spirit helps us in our weakness, We do not know what we ought to pray for, but the spirit Himself intercedes for us with groans that words cannot express. And he who searches our hears knows the mind of the spirit, because the spirit intercedes for the saints in accordance with God's will." Romans 8:26-27

I really have no idea what God's will for my life is. NO IDEA. But that's okay. I don't have to have it together and I don't have to know what to pray for, because the spirit intercedes with groans that I cannot express. Thank you, Jesus.